So, what is gay sex anyway?

It can feel hard to escape the subject of sex.

We’re surrounded by it – in films, TV, songs, adverts, social media, porn…

But we’re not encouraged to ask questions about it.

If you’re a man who’s attracted to other men you’re supposed to magically know how to be an expert in the bedroom. But most of us have had little or no education about it.

You can ask lots of different people what gay sex means to them, and you’ll get lots of different answers!

For me sometimes it’s about body parts, sometimes it’s about connection. Sometimes it’s purely about pleasure, sometimes it’s more about discovery; sometimes playfulness, other times power. Sometimes it’s hours of deep erotic connection – and then there are times I’m just damn horny and want to get off as quick as possible!

Sound familiar? There isn’t only one way to have good sex!

So what is gay sex for you?

Many people equate intimacy and sex as the same thing – and sure, it’s possible to feel deeply connected while touching another guy’s genitals, but it’s not a given.

Some of the best sex can happen completely anonymously, just as some of the best intimacy can happen without even taking your clothes off.

When it comes to gay sex many men also feel pressure for erections, ejaculation, and penetrative sex.

In fact it can be easy to feel that sex between men must happen a certain way, and if you don’t do it that way there’s something wrong with you.

But I think sex can be as simple as being caressed gently.

Or cuddling sensually.

Or even just kissing.

Gay sex is what you want it to be – as long as you know what it is you want (and don’t want).

And how does it work (or not work)?

It’s worth repeating that none of us have ever really been taught how to do any of this stuff!

We don’t get taught about intimacy. We don’t get taught about pleasure. We don’t get taught about consent.

In this video I explore some of the challenges that you may be experiencing when it comes to gay sex, and one way you can help yourself overcome them.

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If you’re curious, or challenged by gay sex, and want to learn and practice body to body with another man check out my hands-on personalised coaching immersives