As with many gay couples, the intensity of sexual and emotional exploration at the start of Dan and Ian’s relationship meant that for the first few years communication never seemed to be an issue.

But as the honeymoon period wore off, they started to find themselves increasingly at odds when it came to giving and receiving in the bedroom.

Dan tended to take charge, and do things for his partner he thought would give Ian pleasure. But even though Ian liked being at the centre of his partner’s attention, he often found himself going along with activities he didn’t really enjoy, because he wanted to please Dan.

Sex regularly ended in disappointment and frustration, with neither of them really getting their needs met.

When they started looking for a gay couples coach they feared it was mis-matched desires that was the problem – it hadn’t occurred to them it might be communication!

Working with me they were able, together, to create a shared language and understanding around giving and receiving, which took into account Dan’s need to be of service, as well as Ian’s desire to be able to choose pleasure for himself – so that a good time could be had by both.