Touch

When it comes to intimate and erotic touch many gay men tend to go to the genitals as a starting point.

For a lot of gay guys touch and sex have even come to mean pretty much the same thing.

Yet sensation – perhaps more than any other sense – is actually your body’s way of communicating important information to you.

How touch is fundamental to your well-being

Touch isn’t just about sex. Lack of touch can affect your health in many ways, from stress to weight gain (in fact human bodies are literally designed to be touched in order to function well).

But there are some important physiological reasons why touch is particularly crucial to intimacy and sex:

• Just 30 seconds of ‘warm touch’ to your skin (this means touch which feels safe, including self-touch) is enough to activate the feelgood hormone oxytocin.
• Oxytocin plays an important role in many human behaviours including connection, trust, bonding and romantic attachment – in other words it’s essential for intimacy.
• Enough oxytocin triggers the release of dopamine (something most of us more often get from stimulants such as caffeine), and this is ultimately what can enable your body to enter arousal.

But in a world where even most conversations are now virtual we are becoming increasingly disconnected from any opportunities to experience touch which is non-sexual.

And for folks who find sex or intimacy challenging this can lead to a vicious cycle of touch-deprivation.

Why investing in touch is an investment in yourself

Building a healthy relationship with touch is a fundamental step towards a more enjoyable experience of yourself, and well as more connected intimacy and sex.

The reason touch forms such an integral part of my sessions is that when you get to experience touch in way which feels safe for you, it nourishes you, and sends your body the message that you matter.

This is essential self-care – and that’s something many of us don’t do as well as we could!

Why I include whole-body touch

A lot of gay touch and sex tends to focus on the genitals and ejaculation, rather than whole body sensation.

Most bodywork, and touch-based therapies tend to completely ignore the genital area. Conventional sex coaching doesn’t even allow for touch!

But would you try to learn the piano by only practicing on half the notes?

In hands-on sessions with me (whether they’re your hands or my hands) the whole body – including the genitals – can be part of the canvas for exploration and learning.

I believe this is the most comprehensive way to learn about your desires and what feels good in your body when it comes to intimacy, arousal and sex.

READ MORE ABOUT THE 4 TOUCH DYNAMICS, AND 3 TYPES OF TOUCH I WORK WITH

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There are some simple ways you can start getting back in touch with yourself:

Try spending 10 minutes a day gently caressing your bare skin – if you feel shy or silly start with something straightforward like your cheeks or your arms (although once you feel the benefits of that oxytocin tingle I’m betting you might want to get your whole body involved!).

Or try my 3-minute sensate focus meditation