What is the Wheel Of Consent?
The Wheel Of Consent is at the heart of all my work. Find out more about it, and why it can be such a valuable tool for gay men when it comes to sex and intimacy
All my work has the Wheel Of Consent built into the heart of them (read more about how I use the 4 dynamics of touch in my sessions), and this provides the framework for me to be able to work with touch and pleasure as safely as possible.
Currently I’m the only certified gay Wheel Of Consent facilitator and teacher in the UK.
I’m also one of the core faculty members of the School Of Consent, the organisation which oversees the training and teaching of the Wheel Of Consent around the world.
What is the Wheel Of Consent and why is it useful for gay folks?
The key concept of the Wheel Of Consent is radical: not simply that consent is a good idea, but offering a practical way to distinguish between who is giving, who is receiving, and who is doing (all of which can be distinct, separate experiences).
It’s a navigational tool which allows you to answer this key question:
- Are you acting on your desire?
- Or are you putting your desire aside?
In every exchange one person will be giving, one person will be receiving. One person will also be doing, and one person will be done-to. But, contrary to what we’re used to thinking, the fact that you are doing something, does not necessarily mean you are giving.
We tend to think about consent as meaning permission but sex requires more than just permission. The Wheel Of Consent enables a much more nuanced felt experience.
The importance of choice for accessing pleasure
When you can get clear about these fundamental aspects of any interaction it opens up much more opportunity for choice, which helps create more safety, which in turn can lead to the possibility for more pleasure.
For many gay men choice has often been compromised or taken away, so the Wheel Of Consent offers an incredible container for re-connection and empowerment.
Using the Wheel Of Consent in my gay sex and intimacy coaching sessions means the process is never about pushing through and trying to like something you don’t like; it’s about learning to trust yourself and be true to yourself.
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